The Human in Me
by LilyGinnyBlack
Summary: You try and catch rain in the palm of your hand and I try and catch tears. When you remember your past you savor the thought of the human you once were and still are, I remember my past and try to forget that human is inside me at all...HakkaiGoyjo


**_The Human in Me _**

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**_By:_**_ LilyGinnyBlack _

**_Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, settings, and etc. of Saiyuki; they belong to one Kazuya Minekura. _**

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_A/N: Hello everyone! This is only my second Saiyuki fanfic and only my third shonen-ai fanfic. It's Goyjo / Hakkai and it is my first shot at it, so please, don't go too hard on me if it isn't all that good. Anyway, please enjoy the story. : ) _

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Storm clouds covered any stars that may have shined in the night sky. Rain, it wasn't welcomed to them, though it was Sanzo and Hakkai who were affected the most. Goku just didn't like it because it made Sanzo even moodier than usual and Goyjo didn't like the rain because sometimes…sometimes it reminded him of tears.

The dark blanket of night highlighted the smooth features of Hakkai. Eyes so green one had to wonder if his tears would be stained by them and three ear cuffs glinted dully in the barely present light. His focus was trained on the window, at the water droplets that fell to the earth, and to the memories each splash brought up.

At that same time Goyjo looked at the black haired individual, he took in the melancholy and the expression, which said that he longed for something he could no longer have. Thus, with slow and light steps Goyjo approached Hakkai, whose bed was positioned right next to the window. The tall man felt his body flop down next to the smaller man. His blood stained orbs trailed the descent of the water outside.

For once Goyjo and Hakkai had a room to themselves. Goyjo much preferred to have the emerald eyed man as a roommate over the stupid monkey. Yet, at the moment, he wanted to break the deep silence. He couldn't stand the way the absence of sound wrapped its way around his tanned skin. He had to break the chains that restrained him to the quiet atmosphere, "Hey, Hakkai."

"Yes, Goyjo, what is it that you want?" His voice was so even and calm, it scared the red head. The way Hakkai could always act so composed, it wasn't natural-and Goyjo knew that Hakkai knew this as well.

"Sometimes the rain reminds me of tears, tears that just won't stop falling." He could hear the hints of regret and guilt…sadness…in his own voice.

The two twenty-two-year-olds just sat there, with the rain's pitter-patter contact as the only sound. Both had thoughts of their pasts on their minds, both could clearly see those events that traumatized them, and at the same time help to build them into the people they were. The question, _"Would you want to forget,"_ was on the tip of both of their tongues.

Hakkai finally turned his attention away from the window, his eyes laid upon Goyjo, "After the whole fiasco with Chin Yisou, I don't let my past _haunt_ me anymore, but past events are never far from my mind."

"You sound almost like you _want_ to remember that night. You sound like you long for the rain to bring up those images as clear as day. Man, sometimes I just don't get you Hakkai!" Goyjo kept his voice light, though, he didn't let it become too happy, after all, Goyjo wasn't as smart as Hakkai or Sanzo, but he had more tact than the monkey and knew when a moment was serious or not.

Here Hakkai sighed and looked Goyjo straight in the eyes. Red met green, complete and total opposites, yet they complimented each other perfectly, "It's a part of me that I can never forget; when I think of the past and Kanan, I remember, that a part of me is still human. Because, no matter how many times I see rounded ears and soft, harmless fingernails, I can also see the reflection of those horrid cuffs…it's like they taunt me and never let me live down the fact that I now am part demon in some way. Kanan…my past….reminds me of the time when I still had some form of humanity."

At that Goyjo let out a 'humph'. Hakkai's eyes scrunched up for a mere second, "I see. It seems you can't find anything pleasant in your memories. What do they remind you of?"

"I can't find anything pleasant about the consent sight of tears and cries, but, they remind me of the fact that I have human in me too. I don't find that a savoring thought though, mine being human is the part that brought out my mother's hatred of me, it was the human female that she didn't that she could see in me." Goyjo's voice was dead serious as he spoke; his hand rummaged through his pockets and took out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. In one fluid motion he took out a cigarette, lit it, and then placed it in his mouth. With a quick inhale and a smooth exhale; a trail of smoke drifted upward and curled its way to the ceiling.

The light drizzle outside began to come down heavier, almost to the point of a downpour, and Hakkai's next words were almost drowned out by the sound of the wind and rain, "Is there ever a time when you don't mind being reminded that you are part human, Goyjo?"

Nevertheless, Goyjo did hear him, "When I'm with you…I can tell myself that I'm human…and not regret my existence. It's the only thing that we share, other than that; we're just too different to find any kinda connection, 'cept tragic pasts." Then, with the cigarette, which burned brightly, out of his mouth and in between his long and thin fingers, Goyjo brought his lips to Hakkai's. And when their lips finally touched, a sense of comfort overwhelmed the two, which made Goyjo deepen the kiss. The cigarette fallen and forgotten on the floor, as Hakkai wove his arms around Goyjo's neck, and lightening flashed brilliantly outside.

The simple rain storm turned to a thunderstorm. It brought liquid as it drifted downward from the heavens, rain that made past mistakes cut through them like a bolt of lightening, yet, that pain wasn't felt that night. Why? Because, right then, one individual learned while the other remembered, what it meant to be human.

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_A/N: That's the end. I hope you all liked it and please tell me what you thought of it in a review. Thanks again and take care. :D _

-LilyGinnyBlack-


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